Highlight of the evening: we are sitting a few rows behind a douchebag in a home Mariano jersey (with name) and a blue "26 time world champions" hat. Underneath the jersey he is wearing one of those dark blue t-shirts with "Damon 18" emblazoned on the back in white.

Enter Sandman.

This guy takes off his jersey and holds it up. He starts seriously headbanging. He appears on the Jumbotron, achieving his 15 seconds of fame (Warhol got the units wrong). They cut away. He continues to headbang, hoping for an encore. He is very loudly, poorly, and inaccurately bellowing the lyrics to the song. Except now he is trying to look at the screen at the same time. His hat flies off of his head and drops into his arms; he fumbles and manages to grasp both it and the still-held jersey in his right hand. Finally, reserved in the sad fact that his fleeting moment in time has forever passed. He sits, ready to cheer his favorite player on.

Minutes later, Aubrey Huff blasts a solo shot out of the park.

Without hesitation, our subject stands, turns, and exits the stadium. As he passes by, I have but two words: "Exit Sandman."